Getting Past the Hurt - Can't Do It. Part 1

I read two posts today that seem to fit me exactly.  They are closely related, and, since Jeff Murrah has already done the legwork, I am simply going to respond to his words here.

I read this blog regularly.  Here is the first entry, edited, with my responses:

How do I mentally get over a cheating woman?

Beginning in media re ... my comments are italicized in brackets.

The freezing of time with trauma is one of the first obstacles to overcome.

With this ‘freezing’ effect, the cheating seems to have happened ‘just yesterday’. [YES, YES, YES!! I said virtually these exact words to my spouse! YES, YES, YES!] In the world of emotions, time is meaningless. In the world of emotions, you will feel as if the emotions are just as raw as when it first happened. [Absolutely. Time has not passed. Absolutely, precisely.] Like a scratch in a record that forces the album to repeat something over and over to the point of irritation, the trauma keeps playing repeatedly in your head and heart. [Endlessly.]

Emotional reality operates on a different set of rules than cognitive or objective reality. In cognitive or objective reality you can look at a calender and see how long it has been since the cheating. Your intellect can begin calculating distance from you and the affair, yet your heart refuses to allow any distance to happen. This puts you in a bind between your head and heart. [Intellect and logic do not come into play. Emotion completely and utterly overrides everything.]

Unfreezing a trauma often involves resolving whatever emotional issues the trauma brought up for you. In the case of a cheating wife, your issues may include issues of betrayal, being lied to, being defrauded, the loss of your manhood, embarrassment, or any number of others. Each of these issues will need some resolution before you can move on. [This is among the most difficult parts for me. I do not know what emotional issues I need to get over. And, at this point, I honestly don't see myself getting over them. I can not see beyond day by day.]

Blog Etiquette: Is is appropriate to create a blog entry by copying and pasting someone else's? I have probably approached some line here, but let me be clear. I am responding to Jeff Murrah's words in a blog I read regularly at, http://surviveyourpartnersaffair.com/ . This entry - and another closely related entry, really hit home with me today and I felt compelled to react. He expressed better than I could exactly what I felt regarding moving past the hurt. Thank you Jeff Murrah. (I hope you don't mind me repeating and sharing your words.)