Starting Down the Spiral Path - Again

So, this morning I have once again started down the path of dwelling on things.  And my mind spins.

We don't talk about the event or circumstances at home, so I feel like I am in limbo.  I don't know where my thoughts stand with her, much less myself.  We are busy with kids and schedules and home repair, and I am just going through the motions.

I think for her it is easier, in some respects.  She has had her fun and now she is just waiting for me to get past this.  I am put off by her lack of concern and smugness.

But I keep this all to myself because it doesn't go anywhere.

I have no faith in working things out, at this point, and it wears on me.

The Work Week Begins

And so , the week-end is over and time for a different kind of stress.

During the week-end, the stress is about being together.  Will things go well or not?  Will we talk or not?  We will pretend things are normal, or will she acknowledge that the situation stinks?

Although that stress is quite frustrating, it is a known stress.  At work I am left to my own mind and my own self.  Paranoia creeps in.  (Is she contacting him?)  Self-doubt comes to the fore.  (What the heck am I doing?)  I am left to my own thoughts.

It is difficult to manage my thoughts on my own.  And, honestly, sometimes I don't even try.  I just sit at my desk and let the ugly thoughts flow.  I'm not proud of it, necessarily.  But it does happen.