So, I don't get the anger directed at me. This may be one of the toughest things to take - at least for this five minutes. My hurts rotate and go up and down - but for now, I don't understand the anger. On the one hand, I don't get a free pass when I screw up. But don't I get some leeway? And, it seems that the anger when I do screw up is greater than it should be. Why am I the one trying to keep my anger in check? Why am I the one making the greater (as I perceive it) effort. I have a LOT more to get over other than the fact that I came home from the grocery store with everything except the one thing I went to get.
If we are measuring responses, I am a lot more justified in being angry than she is. And yet, I'm the one in the proverbial doghouse.
I just want to be treated nicely. Don't I at least deserve that?
Hi John,
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't make any sense..... this might not reflected in your experience but in the line of work I am in, I know a considerable amount about misplaced shame and guilt. Generally, people find it extraordinarily difficult to admit guilt and shame, and to sit with these feelings. It is much easier to attack the person who you feel guilty for hurting. This person becomes the one responsible for your feelings and you develop anger toward them. As I said, I do not know if this is in any way reflective of your situation..... It could just be that she is being a bit of a bitch. Know this though..... her anger is not about the item you forgot from the store. It is from somewhere else. And.... you have every right to feel angry and upset, she betrayed you.
And everyone deserves to be treated nicely.
Thank you so much! I swear to you, Katy, I am just an emotional wreck right now. I actually teared up at your kind words.
DeleteI've told her several times, "I just want you to be nice to me." I can't progress without that. And yet, then I realize that I am the one pleading to her. How screwed up is that?
So, thank you. Thank you for your comment.